Who Mothers the Mother?

I asked myself this question after attending a Family Fun Night at my kindergartner’s school. It was an event to get kids access to free books and improve literacy rates. There were several craft stations, a large and seemingly endless pile of free books as well as a lively (and I think rigged) bingo game. It is at events like these I absolutely love to people watch.

Let me set the scene for you: we live in a middle-class neighborhood and reside in a mostly lower-middle class community. There is a hospital close by and several large/industrial employers. This mix lends itself to a vibrant elementary school. It’s not the homogenous culture I grew up in but has a more equal representation of what the world actually looks like. Something I definitely appreciate.

As I sat with my kiddos while they ate their pizza- my eyes start scanning the room. The first thing I am aware of is that there are a lot of females (moms/guardians) present. I began watching one mom who looks familiar. I think her son is in kindy with mine. She is alone, with her three kids. She looks exhausted. I can read it all over her face. It’s not that she’s mean mugging me or anyone, she just looks like she hadn’t had a break in weeks maybe even years? There was no laugher or smile and her movements and interactions seemed- routine. Like she was a robot. Her exhaustion struck me as I began to watch some other women. It’s when it hit me: “who mothers the mothers?”

When I Googled the above question, curious to know what would come up, what returned one scholarly article about factors that contribute to a mother’s well-being. The “Big Four” predictors of well-being are:

1. Unconditional Love

2. Reliable Comfort

3. Authenticity

4. Friendship Satisfaction

Mothers who received unconditional love from their spouse/partner or friends, reliable ways of comforting when stressed, authenticity in their close relationships and friendships in general.

“These findings are extremely encouraging in showing the strong protective potential of close, authentic relationships in buffering women through the myriad challenges of motherhood. As Luthar (in press) has suggested, as unconditional acceptance is critical for children, so is it critical for mothers who must provide it. And mothers, like children, benefit greatly when they know they have reliable sources of comfort when in distress (Hrdy, 2009; Taylor, 2002.”*

There is power in those close relationships, outside of your partner/spouse, that bring you support, authenticity and intimacy. We mamas need to foster and nurture our friendships.

“In point of fact, having close friendships may help to sustain the marital relationship by reducing the burden on the marriage to fulfill all of one's emotional needs (Finkel, Hui, Carswell, & Larson, 2014). In the interest of their own psychological well-being, therefore, our findings suggest that women should prioritize fostering these close friendships as much as they value maintaining good marriages.”*

Let’s create the Amazonian Wonder Women world and thrive! Of course, if you need a reliable source of comfort when you’re stressed schedule a session with me at The Yoni Yurt. I also do massage/bodywork in addition to vaginal steaming. All wonderful modalities for supporting and nurturing the mother.

In love,

Erika